What i can not have
by Angelus's daughter
Summary: Hello readers, my name is Draco Malfoy, and i wish to tell you something... a secret. I have to ask you, if you do go on and read this, that you shall not tell a word to no one.
1. Chapter 1

What I can not have

I, Draco Malfoy, am known for my wealth. I come from a long line of purebloods, power and money.

Some consider me royalty and some do not.

Either way, I do not care. I do not care a sod of what people think. For I am power. I am beyond them. However, that is my father speaking. He finds all other life forms filth… it is sad really…

My life may seem pleasant and easy.

But it is far from that.

You cannot fathom what happens behind the great big walls of my mansion.

I am bluffing you say?

I certainly am not.

Every night I hear the screams of women raped; men tortured and children… children being killed. It is insanity. My own father, a killer. Yes, oh yes, it is true.

He works for the Dark Lord, as he calls him. Others call him The Dark Lord, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, You-Know-Who or simply Voldemort. He has quite a name. Supposedly, it strikes fear in many hearts.

I find the name quite stupid, in my opinion. This Lord, as he calls himself, lacks of originality. Seriously, I would have chosen a name like Dark Lord Gennadius Odin… or the like. But like Juliet said in the Shakespearian play of Romeo and Juliet, "_What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." 2.2_

A name is only a name… but… nevertheless, he does lack of intelligence.

I am quite ashamed to say, if my father had caught me saying a quote from Shakespeare, he would have had my head. Yes, he has a hatred for muggles… and Mudbloods, as we Purebloods call them.

Yet I find them fascinating. But of course I will never admit that to anyone. But you, my fellow readers, I trust, shall not tell a word, yes?

Muggles. Quite a word. Why do we call them "muggles"? I find that ridiculous.

…it is hard to find a word to place them. To their eyes, they are normal, but they consider us either: Freaks, miracles, magicians, Angels (yes, some think we are Angels), or simply Wizards, which I prefer of course.

All these Muggles, they out number us. They have beaten us in intelligence, for they have technology, cars and spaceships going on the moon. What have we accomplished? Oh, yes… "A new discovery! How to lose weight in 1 minute with a simply potion!" Pathetic, really.

Sure there is, or rather, there was the Philosopher stone. But there was only one… for now. Do we really want to live forever? It might get quite boring.

I have noticed that it seems that I am ranting my problems. No, I am writing this because I feel the need to tell you that even I, Draco Malfoy, do not have every thing I want.

I may have all the latest brooms, clothes and such.

But…But there is only one thing I want the most. The one thing that…that I want to feel, have, touch, kiss, and be with. One girl…A woman to be prosiest.

Yes, a woman!

Many men say a woman will bring us to our deathbeds. I say the contrary, they shall bring us life, love and joy.

They do not understand. Men use women as pleasure, treat them as whores. They blame everything on them. They hurt them…

But… of course… women are not all that innocent. They do flaunt themselves at us, asking for it. They whine and complain. They can get away with anything.

Nonetheless… we, men and women, are meant for each other.

And if we try to co-exist with each other… we can live a life, a life of love and joy.

This girl, woman, is magnificent, beautiful, and intelligent. I will never love other women or look at other women again.

She has smitten me.

The first time I saw her, I knew she was the one.

And I can not have her. She is untouchable.

Yet no one sees her.

They think that she is ugly, or too smart… they are stupid. They cannot see her beauty, the beauty she holds.

I love her with all my heart, mind, body and soul.

And yet…and yet she does not know.

Every single time I see her, insult her (to my disgust); I love her more. Each day, my love grows.

It torments me that she does not know.

I wish this to end. To hold her.

…it will never happen…

You see, my father always was a bloody traditionalist; always thinking that Mudbloods are worthless. He made sure I would think and act that way.

I only act.

I have to act or he will hurt her… my mother.

My mother always loved me and said to do what ever I want, even if it was to marry a Mudblood, and that she would be happy.

My father over heard that conversation and punished us both.

That day on, I only craved for my love more.

My father's constant eye, prevents me from my love.

Thus, I tormented her… my love. I wish to take back every single mean and traitorous thing I said to her.

I beg for her forgiveness every single day. She can not hear me, for my heart, mind, body and soul is the one asking, craving for it. My mouth can not utter any words of it.

One day all this pain shall end and I shall be with my love…

Dear readers, I confided my deepest secret to you. I must ask you not to utter a word of this. I put my trust to you.

I only hope… that one day my dearest love shall be in my arms. And we shall be together.

_The End_

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Well, I hope you guys like it. Strange I know. Maybe some may think it's unlikely, but what ever. Tell me what you think; but when it comes to criticism, I only accept constructive criticism. I do not want:

"You're story sucks…" Or "this is pointless…" Or "This story is retarded…" Etc…

If you hate it so much don't read my fucking story and leave. I absolutely hate people that flame stories; it's stupid and the author doesn't give a damn. You're just being a worthless git.

I'm sorry if I offended any one out there, but it had to be told.

I hope you can review my story.

Maybe I shall continue; maybe not. Depends on what you think and want.

I also thanks my beta: GalaxyStorme!

Thank you.


	2. Chapter 2

What I can not have

I ponder and ponder.

As I walk down this road.

I wonder and wonder.

I am on a roll…

Bloody hell, I am rhyming again.

Never the less, I find it amusing.

Poetry… it is so refreshing and alive.

To feel the author's emotions, to feel the passion behind it; I find poetry quite fascinating.

But, of course… I will never admit that to any one. Since poetry is so unmanly?

Who ever invented the theory must have been quite stupid. It is the greatest thing ever invented. Every night I would write poetry to my dear love, hoping one day I could read it to her.

For now, I will keep them safe and hidden.

I look at myself upon this mirror hanging in my dark room and I see a man, well… a young man of 16 years of age. Yes, my dear readers, I am only 16.

And you wonder how can I love someone so much at this young age? How I can understand the meaning of love coming from a family that sided with evil?

At first when I first saw my love, I was not to sure what I felt for her was. I knew my mother had told me about love often, but I was not sure what I felt was love.

After my first year at Hogwarts, I went home wondering what I was feeling towards this girl. I asked my mother and she replied that I was in loved. I was quite shocked.

I asked my mother, if she was ever in love. She said yes; she was once in love with a man, but since she had an arrange marriage with _father_ she could not do anything about it. Pity…

I loved her since the age of 11. Some might think it is simply a crush, but it is more. The love I feel for her is more then you can ever know.

But she does not return the love, for she hates me. But, like Oscar Wilde said:

"_I am sick of women who love me. Women who hate me are much more interesting."_

Yes, practically the whole population of the school is after me, and even the Gryffindors to my surprise. But, the one I love… is the only girl that despises me in the whole school. I wish to change that.

When this cruel war is over, I shall open my heart to her.

"_For, you see, each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow." Rosemonde Gerard._

Yes, my dear love. For when this war shall end a new beginning shall start.

I have recently stumbled upon a poem that I dare say is heart felt. You might be surprise that I, Draco Malfoy, a man from the house of serpents, and from a family of evil, use the word heart felt.

You might laugh, but I will not listen; for I have my love and one day we shall be together.

Returning on what I said, I found a poem. Yes, I do search for poems that I wish to read to my love one day. It is called: How Will You Kiss?

_Lilt me your lips,  
our lost breath intermingling. _

Synchronize our silence  
as lazy hours ease by.

Waft cocoa, hazelnut, cinnamon,  
scents around me.

Tremble with me  
in paralyzing pauses.

I may no longer breathe  
without breathing you.

- Judith Pordon

One day I shall find this Judith and praise her for her work.

I read this poem and I have to say that one tear fell down my check. Of course, I will never admit that to anyone! It shall go to my grave, and of course yours too… and maybe… my loves too. For I shall tell her all, I shall tell all the sweet thoughts I had and have of her, all the pleasant memories…

But that day shall not come soon.

I need to keep her safe and hidden from the ugliness of this world. When the war is over, we shall build a new world together…

As walk or glide as I like to say, towards the red shiny train in front of me, I think… another year of school, another year of torture.

I watch her from the shadows, I smile when her back is turned; but when I face her, I feel as though I might fall. She weakens my defences, she makes me tremble, and she is my love.

I watch her board this train with her fellow friends to my distaste. They are not worthy of her presence.

But, I will not argue. Even though I despise those bloody idiots; they're not all that bad. They are loyal, brave, somewhat intelligent… well except for Weasley, and of course they are fighters. I respect that.

I might dislike Potter; no I do not hate him… the reason for my dislike is for his rejection of my friendship. I was quite humiliated, and of course he insulted me. But, it was not like I did not insult his _friends_ and we do have our differences.

You can not forget that, if I am too _friendly_ with Potter, my father will not be too pleased…

Ah… where was I… yes the train.

As I board the train, I feel my heart racing, my eyes darting everywhere, hoping I shall not bump into my love yet.

But it seems luck is never on my side.

I see her in the distance, her hair cascading down her shoulder in deep brown curls, her freckled nose, her deep brown eyes… I let myself smirk. That is the closest that you will see me _smile_ in public.

…Oh no. Weasley.

He saw me, watching her.

I take a deep breath and set the act.

He seems mad, I see him speaking to Potter and my love rapidly. They look my way and pull there wands out.

Well, here I go.

Another year of torture, another year of my act.

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Tell me what you think; but when it comes to criticism, I only accept constructive criticism. I do not want:

"You're story sucks…" Or "this is pointless…" Or "This story is retarded…" Etc…

If you hate it so much don't read my fucking story and leave. I absolutely hate people that flame stories; it's stupid and the author doesn't give a damn. You're just being a worthless git.

I'm sorry if I offended any one out there, but it had to be told.

I hope you can review my story.

I also thanks my beta: GalaxyStorme!

Thank you.


End file.
